In the Spotlight | “How to Be a Better Christian Wife” by Carolina Frederick, Our Kingdom Culture

The Directive is thrilled to feature creative, entertaining, and innovative Biblical blog posts written by exceptional women of Faith. Today’s In the Spotlight showcases an article written by the creator of Our Kingdom Culture, Carolina Frederick. Have you ever doubted yourself as a wife? Trust me honey―we’ve ALL been there. Read on as Carolina pours truth into Christian wives, articulating how we can better serve our husbands and understand God’s plan for our marriage.

HOW TO BE A BETTER CHRISTIAN WIFE

Posted by Carolina | Jan 28, 2019 

How to be a better christian wife

When I was little, I always dreamed about my wedding day…walking down the aisle in my big white wedding dress and my prince charming waiting for me at the altar. So magical! 

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Many of us had those same dreams when we were little. But once you get married you realized that marriage is not a fairy tale all the time. There are days that are not as magical as we hoped.

But even with those days that are not so magical, your love, your husband, and your marriage are worth fighting for. That’s why, I have written a simple guide that shows you how to be a better Christian wife.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WIFE AND A CHRISTIAN WIFE?

The difference between a wife and a Christian wife is God.

For the Christian wife, the center of their marriage is Christ, for a normal wife, the center of their marriage is the love that they have for their husband.

So, our love for our husbands should not based on them but centered on Christ, and He is the best foundation to build on. Because it doesn’t matter what kind of storm comes against your marriage, it will stand if Jesus is the foundation.

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BECOMING A BETTER CHRISTIAN WIFE
STARTS WITH YOU

In order to become a better wife, we must focus on ourselves first. Many times we come to God complaining about our husbands and asking God to change them into the men that we want them to be.

But how about us? I’m sure there are lots of things that our husbands can complain to God about us. We are always so quick to think that other people have to change in order for things to get better.

The truth is, it all starts with us. Instead of accusing our husbands before The Lord we should come with a different attitude.

“Lord, change me, heal me, humble me, work on me, and help me to be the wife you have called me to be. Draw me closer to you and help me to be more like you”

That should be our attitude. When we draw near to God, He draws near to us and we become more like Him. This change is the most important step you can do to become a better wife.

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PRAY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR HUSBAND 


The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

James 5:16

When we pray with faith we can see change. The bible tells us that prayer is powerful. Praying with faith moves mountains, create miracles, heals broken marriages, mends broken hearts, and makes the impossible become possible.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. Here is a guide on Praying for your Husband According to God’s Will and also, here is a guide on how to pray for a lasting marriage. I hope this guide is a blessing to you, and don’t forget to share it with someone that may need it.

ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS HUMAN

Please understand that everybody (yes, husbands, kids, moms and dads included) will let you down.

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People are going to make you mad, they are going to make you sad, they are going to hurt your feelings,and break your heart  because they are humans, and they make mistakes because they are not perfect.

There is only one that will never let you down and his name is Jesus. After Jesus, everyone else will fail you.

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So, with that in mind, let’s be a little more forgiving and give a little more grace because guess what? We also make people mad, we also make people sad  and let people down because we are not perfect either.

BE LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD

The children of God are led by the Spirit of God. So many times we get into arguments and fights that could of been avoided if we would of listened to the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is always talking, He always guides us. Sometimes we are too busy to pay attention to what He has to say and other times we don’t like what He has to say so we just ignore Him.

But if you really want to be a better Christian wife you must listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit because sometimes marriage is not easy.

If you have a hard time listening to The Holy Spirit, ask in prayer to have ears that hear the voice of God and when you hear it, be obedient. It will save you a lot of headaches and heartaches.

FOCUS ON THE GOOD

I read a story not too long ago written by a wife, her story was about how it always bothered her the way her husband would leave his shoes and clothes all over the house.

This situation was the cause of many arguments and disagreements between them. But things changed the day her husband lost his life in a tragic car accident.

Seeing all the clothes on the floor and the shoes everywhere she realized how she always focused on the negative instead of the positive.

Those clothes on the floor signified that she had a husband, that he loved coming home and getting comfortable in the nest that they built together.

Those shoes signified the hurting feet of a man that worked very hard to make sure his family had everything they needed.

She remembered all the times she complained and oh how much she regrets now realizing too late that all those small things were not worth fighting for.

Now she wishes her husband would walk through the door and drop his shoes and his clothes wherever he wants. Because now she understands that having him there was the only thing that was really important.

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I know there are things that we wish our husbands wouldn’t do or things that we would like them to do, or things that we would like them to do better (dishes ).

But instead of always looking at those things how about you replace them with all the things that he does right?

How about we look at the positive and not the negative? How about instead of complaining we give thanks?

The bible tells us that God loves a grateful heart. When we are grateful, we become a positive person. Be grateful for your husband and for the blessing of having him in your life one more day.

CHOOSE LOVE 

Love is a choice that we get to make everyday. Choose to love your husband no matter what.


4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Choose to love him the way the God described love in 1 Co 13:4-8. A selfish love that gives, that forgives, that serves, that endures all things and is always there with a kind and loving word.

This kind of love changes people, fixes problems, heals broken hearts and broken marriages, is the God kind of love.

Becoming a godly wife

BE HIS BEST FRIEND

Having a best friend is priceless and having your husband or your wife be that best friend is even more beautiful. Be the kind of friend you would like your husband to be for you.

I found a few biblical characteritcs of a friend. Check yourself as you read them and if you need to work on a certain area, that’s ok. The Holy Spirit will help you if you ask Him.

  • A true friend gives his life. (John 15:13)
  • A friend knows you deeply. (John 15:15)
  • A friend loves without conditions. (Proverbs 17:17)
  • A friend gives you good advice. (Proverbs 27:9)
  • A friend speaks the truth in love. (Proverbs 27:6)
  • A friend speaks kindly. (Psalm 15:3)
  • A friend encourages you. (John 6:14)
  • A friend is loyal. (Proverbs 16:28)
  • A friend is faithful. (Proverbs 18:24)
  • A friend have self-control. (Proverbs 22:24)

BE HIS LOVER

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(Sexy music in the background… )

In order to become a better christian wife we also have to focus on sex. Sex is very important in marriage, it is more than just a physical connection. It is designed by God.


For a husband and wife, the sexual act is the focal point, the symbol, and the physical expression of the leaving, the cleaving, and the becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24) that define the very essence of marriage. To put it another way, sex is like the glue that uniquely bonds a husband and wife together. It places their relationship in a category apart from any other human relationship.

Greg Smalley (Focus on the Family)

Forget about your insecurities, don’t focus on how you look, he loves you and you love him. Just enjoy your husband and be happy when you guys are intimate.

The dishes and the laundry can wait, make being with your husband a priority.

BE HIS CHEERLEADER

Don’t put your husband down when you are with friends or family. Always praise the good and speak highly of him.

Motivate him, encourage him, be quick to have a word of life that will bring him up when he feels down.

Pray and support his projects and ideas and speak life over them. Let him know that no matter what happens, you are always there to cheer him on.

SPEAK LIFE OVER HIM

Words have power, God created the worlds with just the words of his mouth. The bible tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue.

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So, speaking words of life over your husband bring to pass the blessing that is already his as a child of God. 

Instead of confessing failure or defeat, instead of saying how ungodly your husband is, or how lazy or messy or disorganized he is, speak the word of God over him, speak words that will bring him up and not down.

These are a few examples of confessions that your can say over your husband. But not only say them, also believe them. See him like God sees him and those words will come to pass. Confess these OUT LOUD!

  • My husband is very good looking and every day I fall more in love with him.
  • My husband is a wise man and he makes wise decisions all the time.
  • Doors of opportunity are always open for my husband.
  • My husband is a godly man.
  • My husband never has trouble listening to the voice of God and following His leading.
  • The Lord blesses the work of my husband’s hands.
  • My husband is a great leader and a great role model for our kids.
  • My husband works hard and his income increases all the time because he is blessed.
  • No weapon formed against my husband will prosper.
  • My husband walks by faith and not by sight, because without faith it is impossible to please God.
  • My husband is organized and he loves to help me with the chores of the house.
  • My husband is healthy and he makes wise choices about his health and the food he eats.
  • My husband is always happy, he is grateful and positive.

MAKE YOURSELF PRETTY FOR HIM

If you don’t make yourself pretty for your husband, someone else will.

Now, I’m not saying that you have to go all out all the time. But there a few simple things that you can do everyday to look more beautiful than you already are.

  • Shower
  • wear clean clothes, if you are a stay at home mom, don’t stay in your pjs all day long. Put regular clothes on!
  • do your hair, even if it is a messy bun, make it pretty!
  • wear perfume or something that will make you smell good.
  • wear some make up if that’s your thing. It takes 5 min to apply a little bit of make up.
  • be confident and know who you are (you are a princess! because your daddy God is the King of Kings!)
  • Smile, I bet your husband loves when you smile. Smiling makes you pretty so do it more often! 

SEE HIM THE WAY GOD SEES HIM

You know, Jesus saw your husband and saw all the bad things in him and He thought that your husband was worth dying for.

To God, your husband is someone that He loves with all His heart. He is a man that was made with a purpose. He was made to glorify God and to make this Earth a better place.

He is the man God uses to bless you and your family. He is the head of the house and He has a great responsibility before the Lord.

Ask God to help you see your husband the way that He sees him. See the man that God sees, because we walk by faith and not by sight.

I’M SORRY

Be quick to apologize and say I’m sorry when you have acted the wrong way.

Also, be quick to forgive your husband when he has done or said something wrong. Remember that we must forgive in order to be forgiven.

GET WISDOM

If you want to learn how to be better at something then you must study and learn about it so you can master it!

The best place for you to find wisdom about being a better Christian wife and about marriage is the Bible. There is no better book out there than the book God gave us.

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Get books and read amazing posts (like this one) from people that want to bless you and places high value on the word of God and on marriage.

IN THE GOOD TIMES AND THE BAD TIMES

In marriages, just like in life, sometimes we go through seasons. Some seasons are good and some are not so good.

The bad times can be many different scenarios and not all the marriages go through the same ones. Some may go through sicknesses, some through financial problems, some through infertility, some through infidelity, etc.

You made a covenant (pact) before the Lord, you agreed that in the good times and in the bad times you were going to stick together.

Be sure that with God’s help you can overcome anything, because we can do all things with Christ who gives us strength. Hang on to Jesus and endure, and persevere and before you know it that season will pass.

I hope this post is a blessing to your life, share it with a friend that may need it and if you want to read about tips for a happy marriage just click on the link. If you don’t have time to read it, pin it to your Pinterest and read it later.

Finally, if you have any advice on how to be a better Christian wife leave a comment and let me know. . . .

Feel free to contact Carolina at carolina@ourkingdomculture.com.

Want to be featured in The Directive’s, In the Spotlight? Please apply via email to thedirectiveorg@gmail.com with the subject line: “In the Spotlight”, including the article you wish to submit for review, a brief author bio, and an explanation of your interest. We look forward to getting to know you and potentially working together to spread the gospel.

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